ENRICH SEMINARS: PERSONAL & FAMILY DEVELOPMENT
Hello and welcome to the ENRICH parenting program. ENRICH stands for Education to Nurture Responsible Influence in the Caring Home. During this series of seminars, Al Friesen explores many critical topics facing parents in our world today. The task of raising healthy, well-rounded children in an increasingly challenging world can be a daunting task even for the most devoted parents. Some of the concepts found in the first nine sessions of the ENRICH Parenting program use, with permission, ideas taken from the STEP Parenting Program, written by Dinkmeyer, McKay, and Dinkmeyer. You’re in for a thought-provoking and insightful video series so, sit back, open your mind and enjoy ENRICH Parenting.
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1 THE YOUNGER YEARS
1. What’s Inside Your Child’s Head?
2. How Emotions Can Trap Us
3. Building Your Child’s Self Respect
4. Do You Really Hear Your Children?
Samples From the Study Guide:
QUESTION 12 Why do children become attention seekers? How do we as parents handle the attention-seeking child?
ANSWER Attention seeking children only see themselves as being of value when they are receiving attention. Do we parents seek attention in negative ways? This is the first area we need to check out. (Refer to Deuteronomy 6:6.) As parents we should give attention to positive behaviour. Parents need to discipline negative attention seeking. This may be done by a squeeze on the arm or a quiet firm reminder to be quiet. Be sure to sit down with the child later and explain why you squeezed his arm so the child will understand.
Security Produces Harmony
QUESTION 13 How can we bring security to an attention-seeker child? Namely how can we as parents compliment, rather than rival each other, for the benefit of the children?
ANSWER The first level of security for the child is to know that Mom and Dad like each other “deeply and forever”! The second level of security is to have firm, friendly, fair, fences. This equals freedom for the one who gives the fence and for the one who gets the fence. The freedom comes from each knowing exactly what the other expects. The third level of security is to be consistent with expectations.
QUESTION 14 How can we prevent a child from playing one authority figure against another?
ANSWER Authority figures need to be consistently unified with each other and with themselves, lest the children are forced to choose between Mom and Dad, parent and teacher, parent and grandparent, and between parent and himself.
To Be In Control
QUESTION 15 Why do children seek to be in control? How do we, as parents handle this aggressiveness?
ANSWER The child believes he/she is worth something only when exerting power over others. As a parent, do not respond by fighting with the child or by simply giving in, since this will merely encourage the aggressiveness. Engaging in power struggles will also feed the child’s desire for power. Teach the child to co-operate by asking for the child’s help. As the parent, act in a situation rather than react to the situation.
QUESTION 16 What important factors help meet the child’s needs?
ANSWER Children must fit in with their peers. (Discuss the story of the boy with the childish runners). A child who has been the center of attention may regress with a new sibling in the family. Accept the child where he/she is at and seek to provide needed attention so that the regressed behaviour rights itself. Celebrate differences. Father and mother are different. Children are different from one another as well. This is normal, and children should be aware that to be different is not all bad.
QUESTION 17 How can parents help their child “fit in”?
ANSWER People, especially children and teens, have a desperate need to belong. If, for a little extra cost and effort, we can dress our children to blend in with their peers, it is only right to do so. The least we, as parents, can do is to “make it happen” for our child wherever possible.
To Get Revenge
QUESTION 20 Why do children seek revenge? What can we, as parents, do to handle the revengeful child in a positive manner?
ANSWER Children want to hurt others, as they feel hurt. Model your responses to what it says in Proverbs 15:1 and 25:15. The parent, feeling hurt by the child’s behaviour, tends to retaliate. But this only sets up a vicious cycle. Do not let yourself be hurt by the child. Instead of retaliating, let the child know how he or she is loved.
Dealing with Temper Tantrums
QUESTION 21 What should one do about temper tantrums?
ANSWER There are a number of suggestions to handling temper tantrums. One would be to use cold water in the face of the child throwing the tantrum. Be sure to use the amount appropriate to the age of the child. For children under 6 years often holding them firmly in the fetal position until they are relaxed will help. If this is followed by sleep this would help even more.
QUESTION 22 How can parents convince their child that it is an advantage to do what is right?
ANSWER You might wish to review the story of the father and son in church. The father simply sat the child on a chair in the church basement and put his arm on his son’s shoulder and kept it there while they listened to the sermon over the PA system. When church was over they remained where they were until another member saw them. He/She needs to know that others have observed this – a little embarrassment deepens the lesson. As a parent one must ask himself two questions: How do I feel about my child’s misbehaviour? How do I respond to misbehaviour? Parents need to be consistent in their response to, and expectations of, the child. Both parents need to be “on the same wavelength”.
To Show Helplessness
QUESTION 25 Why does a child show helplessness? As a parent how can you handle the helpless child?
ANSWER The child believes he/she is inadequate or incapable. Nothing should be expected from him/her. The parent often gives up on such a child, coming to believe that nothing can be done. The child who feels helpless does not respond to criticism. As a parent, do not give the child the pity he/she craves. Show encouragement for any positive behaviour. Do not give up. Encourage the child with Philippians 4:13, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”
When you are faced with a child’s misbehaviour try to act and not react. Your response to your child is crucial. Keep a record of your responses and change as needed. Be aware of the child’s reaction to your response. Consider what the child is trying to achieve. You need to be flexible, open, humble, and willing to seek new ideas in the area of handling misbehaviour. Remember the attitude of the father of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-32.
2 SOLVING PROBLEMS
5. What Is The Problem?
6. How to Be Responsible
7. How to Avoid Being Manipulated
8. Finding Solutions to Problems
Samples From the Study Guide:
Seek the Best Timing
QUESTION 25 Why does timing play such an important role in parenting?
ANSWER When a child behaves inappropriately, stop long enough to first understand the child’s understanding of the situation, not what we think they should understand. Stop long enough to empathize and walk in THEIR shoes.
Helping the Child with His/Her Problem- Ownership
QUESTION 26 If the child owns the problem, how should you as a parent respond?
ANSWER By listening to the child By providing encouragement By looking at alternatives By letting the child face the consequences of his/her behaviour. Do Not Take Ownership of a Problem Which Belongs to the Child! Offer plenty of encouragement. (1 Thessalonians 4-16, 5:14, Hebrews 3:13, 10:24)
As a parent you own the problem only if the behaviour infringes on the parent’s right or if it threatens the safety of the child. In the previous examples the parent owns the problem in the following cases:
- – Misbehaving in public
- – Leaving a mess
- – Disrupting dinner Discuss the incident with the negative family member in Al’s family.
9. Being Responsible
10. Using Discipline
11. Children’s Needs
12. Dealing with Brokenness in Our Relationships
Table of Contents
9 BEING RESPONSIBLE
1 – Setting Personal Goals
2 – Working Together To Build A Team Within The Family
3 – Firm, Friendly, Fair Fences Equals Freedom For Everyone
4 – Building A Family Support System
5 – Appreciating And Celebrating Differences
10 USING DISCIPLINE
1 – Social Growth
2 – Emotional And Physical Growth
3 – Mental Growth
4 – Discipline (PART 1)
5 – Discipline (PART 2)
11 CHILDREN’S NEEDS
1 – Parents’ Awareness Of Their Children
2 – Mental And Physical Growth
3 – Spiritual Growth
4 – Personal Involvement With Your Child
12 DEALING WITH BROKENNESS IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS
1 – Parent’s Ten Commandments (INTRO)
2 – Parent’s Ten Commandments (PART 1)
3 – Parent’s Ten Commandments (PART 2)
4 – Dealing With Broken Relationships (PART 1)
5 – Dealing With Broken Relationships (PART 2)
4 GROWTH AND THE TEEN YEARS
13. Five Area’s of Growth
14. Happier Living and Growing Kids for Jesus
15. Christian Dating
16. What Turns Teens Away From and Toward Jesus While Growing Up in a Christian Home?
Table of Contents
13 – FIVE AREAS OF GROWTH
1 – Introduction
2 – Spiritual Growth
3 – Physical And Mental Growth
4 – Mental And Social Growth
5 – Social Growth (continued)
6 – Social Growth (continued)
7 – Emotional Growth
14 – HAPPIER LIVING AND GROWING KIDS FOR JESUS
1 – 10 Hints For Happier Living (Part One)
2 – 10 Hints For Happier Living (Part Two)
3 – 10 Hints For Happier Living (Part Three)
4 – God’s Recipe For Growing Kids
15 – CHRISTIAN DATING
1 – Introducing Christian Dating
2 – Tests For Christian Dating (Part One)
3 – Testing For Dating (Part Two)
4 – Testing For Dating (Part Three)
5 – Casual Dating
6 – Some Basic Questions About Dating
7 – Stick With Jesus While Dating
5 MANAGING ANGER
17. Anger Management
18. Temper Tantrums
19. Fighting Fairly
20. Growing a Stronger Family
In 17 sessions Al Friesen will seek to explain and effectively teach teens, parents, and other adults what the Bible tells us about anger, how to learn to manage our anger, how to connect with God’s strength for this, and how God will deal with those who use anger and rage throughout their lives.
Table of Contents
17 Anger Management
2. Forming a Christ-Like Character
3. Change Your Thinking
4. Confess and Repent
5. Put Yourself Under New Management
6. Thinking it Through
18 Temper Tantrums
1. Biblical Thoughts on Violent Relations
3. Biblical Views on Crippling Thoughts
4. Temper Tantrums in our Children
5. How, When, and Why, do We Need to Weed Out Temper Tantrums
6. How Can We Learn to Handle Hurt Feelings in a Positive Way?
7. How Do We Beat the Odds?
19 Fighting Fairly
1. Fighting Fairly
2. Finding God in the Drudgery
20 Growing a Stronger Family
1. Marriage, a Gift That Lasts
2. Balance and Moderation